If you think about it, every beginning is in the middle of something. My life is in the middle of my parent’s life. And theirs were in the middle of their parents. My actions influence the middle of someone else’s life. But we must all start somewhere. And so, this will be my start.
Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” I endeavor to be.
You may call me Ryver (like River). This is the best way to describe myself. Ever flowing; ever moving; ever seeking. A river while guided by the Earth, cuts its own path to destiny. A river flows and absorbs the things around it carrying the flotsam and silt with it to the end. This is how I see myself. Taking bits and pieces of my surrounding and carrying their significance with me. Some things are pollution, poison, death. While others are pleasant, cleansing, and healing.
I am not always so poetic. Finding the words to express myself isn’t simple. Analogies and similes help me paint the picture best. I believe anyone would do the same. To describe something you must make the other person feel your pain, happiness, sorrow.
I am a denial depression-ist. Or rather, I am in denial of my depression. By believing it doesn’t exist I am able to embrace my happiness. If you pretend long enough it becomes true right? For me this only works until it doesn’t. Then the whole world comes crashing down and I have to rebuild my shelter.
I am the oldest of three. Headstrong, stubborn, and perpetually afraid of everything. My father passed three years this Christmas Eve. Leaving behind a shell of a widow. My mother has never been strong minded and now she is just existing. Waiting for…I do not know what. My sister (middle child) working on a DR in animal biology. My brother (youngest) is a stupid, smart math major. We all work and live in different worlds. But we will always be family.
With the start of 2016 I hope to learn more about myself and how I fit into the world around me.