Is there a right way or wrong way to grieve? Is there a way to make the pain less?
My mother is visiting. She has a hard time through the holidays because my father passed away suddenly 3 years ago on Christmas Eve. My mom has really struggled with his passing and how can you blame her? They were together 33 years and been all over the world together. They have three wonderful children. I watch her waste away and slowly being consumed by a dark hole of her own making. If my father was to step into their bed room right now. He would find that nothing has changed. His bedside items are still laying on the night stand. His clothes are still in the closet. I can’t see how this is healthy. I can’t see how this helps her heal. She just wallows in her pain and sorrow. I feel ashamed sometimes because I know that is not how he would want us to live.
This is not the best example of her and me but three years ago, right after my dad died I got a puppy. Perhaps to help me cope. Regardless, I put a lot of love and care into the dog. I found out a few days ago that he has terminal cancer and has a life expectancy of 4-6 weeks! Great news here so close to the holidays and my dad’s passing anniversary. I have started planning for after my dog’s passing. I want to donate his body to the college to be used in science. I want to donate his toys and bed to someone who might not be able to spend all the money I have on spoiling their pet. I want to send my sister some of my dog’s things so she can use them with her dog. I have made all these plans and have prepared myself for life after my youngest furbaby is gone. My mom lays on the couch holding him. She feeds him iron pills and beets because it will make him better. She wants me to stop my life until he has gone.
This is just not who I am. I can’t stop my life because another life has stopped. If I quit moving forward I will sink into the darkness just like she has. I can’t wallow in my misery because I have responsibilities and dreams I need to fulfil. Perhaps I have taken this extreme view after seeing my mother stop living. I over compensate to make up for her. I don’t know. It’s just how I function. I realize there is no one way. And that her loss is a million times worse then mine. All I can say is I rather someone pass unexpectedly then to know it is coming soon.