Hey there. I wanted to post this before I get pulled away again. Only two more days of training then I should be able to post as normal. I am so tired but learning a lot. My roommate leaves tomorrow for two weeks and I’ll be all alone; just me and the cats. Sigh. 🙂
I murmured sorry to my parents. I told them I was wrong and they were right. I should have told them that they should have known better and tried harder to keep me away from Thomas. A few years after my divorce my mother, intoxicated, told me “I never liked him. Tom was never right for you. He was too protective of you. You should have listened when I told you that…” I could never remember my mother telling me he was no good for me but I was blinded by teenage love. I should have told them a lot of things but my walls were still there. Today’s breakdown was not a complete breakdown just a start I guess. I wiggled out of my dad’s arms and walked out the back door.
I walked out to the barn. My parents had some acreage in the back woods in Virginia. I had a horse training business that I started back twelve…I mean two years ago. I had worked hard to get my name out and prove that I had what it took in a male dominated industry. I mused on the past and what it meant for me to be back here. Aimlessly my hand patted my horses. Everyone had his or her heads hanging over stall doors vying for my attention. I wondered through the barn not paying attention to my surroundings when I heard a sound that brought me to my knees. My horse, the one I bought with the money from my first job, the one who died two years ago in a riding accident, she stuck her head over the stall door and nickered impatiently for me to come pet her. On the isle floor I gaped at her. Even through my tears she looked exactly like I remembered. Her star was a perfect diamond that was off set between her eyes. She tossed her head and looked questioningly at me on the floor. I struggled to stand and staggered to her stall. I quickly let myself in and wrapped my arms around her. I could tell she was confused. I always knew what she was thinking. She was a very expressive horse. I buried my face in her auburn mane and cried. I had missed her so much. I would make sure the accident never happened. I told her over and over again as I lay down in the corner of her stall.
I woke up with straw poking me in the back. I stretched and encountered resistance. I could not fully stretch. I opened my eyes. I was cradled against my horse’s side with her legs holding me on the other side. I smile. She looked down and nuzzled me.
“Breakfast, girl?” I rolled away from her and slowly got up. I was stiff from the cramped position I had slept in. I got up and started to feed everyone. I went into my office and looked at my lesson planner. I was so glad I wrote everything down. I was able to track what lessons were scheduled this week and where we were in their training. I had two lessons for today and three more the rest of the week. It felt weird to pick up my life from so long ago. I needed to get away from here. I needed to go far away so that Thomas would permanently stay out of my life. The problem was I was a senior in high school and I did not have a car. Hmmm. Where could I go? Who did I know from ten years ago? I was not sure what I could do. I needed to find the backpack that I brought with me. I knew there was one thing I must do.
The nice thing about being home schooled is that I got done really early and if I traveled, as my family did often, I did not miss school. I finished my chores. Then went inside to start my first class.
“Hey there, Hun. Do you want breakfast?” My mother asked me tentatively. I knew I must have been a mess with hay in my hair and puffy eyes from crying.
“Hey! I will get some cereal. Do you care if I shower before class?” My mom murmured ascent and I threw down a bowl of granola. I knew my mom wanted to ask about last night but did not say anything. Perhaps this is why there were no open communication lines between us. It sort of made me sad but I did not want a prying mother.
“Where is dad?” I asked
“He flew out this morning.”
“Where now?” I knew my dad traveled a lot all over the United States. He could be anywhere.
“Dallas. He has been going there every week for three months now. Maybe we should move there too. I don’t know. I…” She trailed off. I knew she would never leave the farm. She would never survive in the big city. She did give me an idea though. I walked to the start toward my bathroom. It was weird having people living in the same house. I had lived alone for two years. I loved it. I showered and wrapped my wet hair in a towel. I went to my desk and started my first class. They were on DVD and I watched a teacher and students like it was a soap opera. As my English teacher droned on about Shakespeare as I braided my hair. I always styled my hair as I watched my classes; I had to keep my hands busy otherwise I could not focus. I formatted my plan as we discussed Macbeth.