Cat Diary

Dear Diary,

Mother went away for, like forever! We were left all alone with no one to take care of us. Well, sure, the “flat mate” was there but he only sleeps and leaves. So it was like we were all alone. I haven’t been pet or cuddled in a lifetime. I could have lost a life from loneliness. Now that mom is back I will never leave her side. I will  make sure she pets me all day long. I will demand a brushing. If I am happy she might get some purrs.

 

Roanoke.

 

Dear Diary,

Geeee all I want to do is nap, in my spot on the huge cat bed. (aka the couch). Instead of being able to sleep Mom keeps taking pictures of me. Then realigning and taking more. How am I supposed to enjoy my nap if I keep getting touched or hovered over. I will never get enough naps in this way. I might have to move to a different location. Sigh. My life is so rough.

 

Raleigh.

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Florida: Disney, Universal, Port Canaveral

My fellow readers, I know my last post was heavy. I am sorry but it was something I need to share. If not for you, that once person that feels similar, but for me. I know keeping that poison inside will only cause damage. But enough of the heavy. Let me show you some good things that happened.

I have always wanted to kayak with bioluminescence dinoflagellates. For those who don’t know they are these glowy creature tDCIM100GOPROGOPR0752.hat live in the water. They give off this bright blue color when you run your hand or paddle through the water. If you have ever seen Avatar its totally like that. I have to say it should be on your bucket list. You will totally get to glow and sparkle even if its only for a little bit.

While, my night pictures didn’t come out, I do have some of the manatees that we kayaked with before it got dark. These goofy creatures are super curious. They come right up and look at you. Our guide said they have great facial recognition and will remember you if you visit often. By law, you are not allowed to touch them but I bet they would be scratchy and a bit slick. Was great to see these gentle creature up close. They are on the protected list because they move slowly and are often killed by boat propellers.

I also got to visit the Disney’s Food and Wine Festival. You walk around Epcot and they have specialty foods for you to try from each country. I have to say I was a bit disappointed in the food. You pay about $5 for 2-3 bites of something. I don’t think many of them were over the moon. Except for Japan’s Chicken Sticky Bun. That was amazing. I feel if I am going to pay that much for so little that the flavors would be more…wow. But hey I am a bit of a food snob, what can I say.

Not to be outdone, my sister’s boyfriend got us into Universal. I had always wanted to see Harry Potter world. Diagon Alley was very stunning. It was an amazing feeling of walking into the alley as if from the Leaky Cauldron. The dragon on top of the Gringotts Bank breathes fire every 10 minutes. I wasn’t really impressed with the merchandise.  I can get a tee shirt or stuff animal anywhere. However, the wand shop was great! We did take train to Hogsmeade and saw the castle. I did get some Butterbeer. FANTASTIC. Like cream soda with butterscotch frosting.

For those who are thinking right now. “Wow look at all she did and she is bitching about her family being mean to her.” I realize I sound a bit petty. However, the reason I went down there was to be with family. This family that caused me great heartache. I realize that some moments of stress with family is normal. However, the depth of hurt isn’t normal family behavior. I have to believe there is a better way.

Sunday Meditations

orion-nebula

 

I feel like we are inundated with ads that put these seeds into our minds that we need to buy, buy, buy. I was thinking about what we have such a weigh issue today. I realized that I am addicted to food. I think about food all the time. What to cook, what to buy, what to eat. I realize that we all have these triggers from TV, radio, or the internet. So acknowledge your weak spot and fight against society not wanting to really help.

Live in Hope

For my whole life I have felt like I was hollow. Like a chalk drawing on the floor. Nothing but an outline in this world. As time has moved toward my adulthood, I have begun to fill my chalk line in. I have filled it with things I like and things that are, “So me!” However, I still feel that hollowness. chalk

I was going to write a completely different post. I had kept a diary of my last week long adventure with my family. I was going to show you what happened day by day. That seems a bit tedious and over excessive. So instead I thought I would share how I felt while I was with my Mom, sister, and brother. It was the first time we have been all together in a couple years. Of course, the largest dark cloud is that my father isn’t around to be here. I know that the loss of him is more then losing a parent. It is the loss of why we stay together as a family. My walk away feeling after being with them for a week was numbness. A numbness that I had to bring on because the actual feelings would be too heartbreaking and crushing.

For starters, my mother is quiet mad. I have always thought so, even from my earliest days. It wasn’t a good, fun type of mad either. This is getting chastised for the same action she did a hour before. Or having her always claim the victim when something doesn’t go as planned. She is the one that, in current years, I felt that I had to raise. She acts like a teenager. (Which isn’t fair to the productive and promising young people.) However, she does throw fits and tantrums.

My brother, on the other hand, treats me like the scum on his shoe. He refused to look at me and any question I posed was answered by a shrug. I realized that he is the youngest and has had the most influence from being raised by our mother. Instead of just being a moody young man he is mean and piercing. I knew, this week, if I were to drop out of his life permanently he would feel no loss. I can not tell you how that makes me feel except to liken it to the loss of my father. I feel like someone has died. However, with my father I have time to adjust; with my brother I feel the raw, painful loss each time I see him.

My sister, always the same. She is very much about her. If you realize that, then you see she is just a human moving through space. She doesn’t go out of her way to be cruel or throw fits if she doesn’t get her way. She is just her.

P1070815All in all my trip ripped me apart. My soul is so torn. Do I leave these people behind? These people that if we were not bound by blood I would have no contact with. Or do I bare this burden for the honor of my father? How easy it would be to walk away. Is this pain the meaning of family?

Book Review: August

books

The Merchant of Death by D.J. Machale I feel like I might have read this story before. Or perhaps I started it and got interrupted at some point. Its about a young boy that gets transported off to the other end of the universe. Fun and entertaining story. Perfect as an easy read.

Anonymous Rex by Eric Garcia This is a story I picked up in a library somewhere and the premise always stuck with me. I was able to find it again not too long ago and have really been enjoying the story. Its about a Dinosaur who is a Private Investigator down on his luck.  Thing is, us humans don’t know that dinosaurs are still around because they were human disguises.  Fun story with a new idea.

Six of Crow by Leigh B. Ardugo  I am really enjoying this book. It is about making your way in the slums. There is magic and suspense.  Now a team of young hoodlums need to kidnap a scientist that has designed a drug that affects the magic users. Can they do it? We will just have to see.

Caves of Steel by Isaac Asimov One of the greatest SciFi writers of all time bring another story to the masses. Here the world has decided to build into the ground instead of up. Those there is a population of Spacers, people who colonize space, most people live in steel and concrete bunkers never seeing the sun. There is a murder and now the Spacers and the Grounders have to work together. This isn’t any ordinary Spacer, it is a Robot. Will they solve the murder or will their difference be too great?

Sunday Mediations

orion-nebula

I noticed a tree at the end of my road is starting to change its leaves. As much as I want colder weather I am not sure if I am ready. Can we have a long Autumn? Today it is very pleasant. I am enjoying the rolling clouds and cool breeze. Really that is the most important thing. To find a good thing every day. Just one little thing, that we can appreciate.