Category: family

Just Listen

When I first wrote this post I wrote about a situation about a person who was upset with me and about their reaction. After long debates with myself and conversations with my closest friends I decided to write about my reactions instead.

One of the guys (gender neutral) I train decided they didn’t enjoy my teaching style. I surmise, they vented to another trainer and that person decided to make a complaint in the poor trainee’s honor. I truly don’t know the specifics, however, I do know that someone isn’t happy with me.

I was going to defend myself and saying I would give the shirt off my back to any of my trainees. Regardless, of how well I liked them or not. I would do anything for my “kids.” I call them that. Not derogatory. Mostly in affection. But as any of my friends will say, “I care.”

This person attacked me. Attacked how I care. How I am trying to make them a stronger, better person. For those who don’t know or don’t remember, I am in Law Enforcement. For those who do pay attention to the world, it is not a safe world. My main goal, with anyone I teach is if I let you go – into the world- you will be able to save my life, my co-worker’s life, a stranger’s life. That is my goal. To make you the best person you can ever be. To get there I might not be gentle. I might not hold your hand. I might make you feel like I walked away from you while you weren’t sure of the answer. I promise you, I didn’t leave you to flounder. I left you to grow.

Regardless, of all my assurances above, the pain you inflicted hit home. It hit me hardest because you don’t understand how hard I fight for you. I make my every movement to make sure that you are a superhero. That you are the person the papers write about. That amazing agent that the president sees.

But you decided you wanted to whine about my tone of voice. It hurt your feelings. It made you feel like you had room for improvement. Did you know that your complaint and whining hurt me? Did you think of me at all?

Did you know that I have cried myself to sleep? Did you know that I am second guessing every action I take? Did you even consider any of the options I have to think of because you didn’t you like what I said to you? Did you even consider that you could tell me you were upset or hurt or anything? Did you try talking to me at all?

You didn’t. I can say that honestly. Because the above is me. I might be crying writing this. This might be the most honest thing I have have ever written. The difference between us is when my friend read this they will surround me with love and happiness and caring. What will your friends surround you with? Good wishes? I will get hugs and love and comfort and support. You will get, “she was mean.” Or “she is a bitch.”

I break myself for you! I worry for you. I seek to make you a stronger person. If you can’t take that get out of my line of work. I don’t want you to have my back because you wont. I am sorry if you feel uncomfortable. I am sorry if you want to have your hand held. But that is not what I offer. And I promise what I have to offer is more then what you can handle. I break myself for you. What do you do?

Sunday Meditations

Good deeds, should be given freely, right? But we are human. Humans look out for themselves. I believe that there is nothing wrong with it. We have to look out of ourselves. Who else will? The only thing we need to watch for is when our goals or actions start to hurt someone. We can get what we want and help others too. So don’t feel guilty when you think about doing a good deed and maybe hope for something for yourself.

Penises and Officers

I have been reading Jenny Larson’s book recently, Furiously Happy. I have been reading thebloggess for a while. She makes me happy. In reading her book, I feel my life is suddenly dull. But the Bombay Sapphire might have loosened my tongue. Errr. Fingers. (BTW if you haven’t read anything by the bloggess start with her blog and work toward toward her books.) So I wanted to share this story that might have not happened.

Well I was walking the other day, with my friend and her dog. We were just making sure the dog got her legs stretched. (Dog’s name is Indy. As in Indiana Jones. And if you don’t get that, do more research) Well anyways, we were walking this dog, and there was this conversation that came to mind while a police officer walked by.

Me: Well and then there was this penis on my desk.

Friend: …

Me. It was crazy. Like a witch’s finger, bone-y. And OMG the blood. Like a crime scene.

Friend: …

Police Officer: O.o

Me. And I seized that penis……

Friend: Ok, it was a bear right.

Me: Yes….

Police Officer: WTF

This above conversation was all in my head as we walked by this extremely attractive and professional police officer. And just so you know. Fish and Wildlife requires special permits about Bear Penis(es) [Can you have more then one] If you were to import (from a foreign country) a bear dick you need special permission. If you do not have that paperwork I have the fun job of seizing that object; for Fish and Wildlife (of USA). There is not a lot of times when I get to say “penis” to my supervisor so I used this moment to my advantage. {Sir, there is a dick in the lobby. Sir, I am done with penises today} I was going to attach a picture of an actual bear penis. Skinned and unflattering. But I thought better of it. And really you don’t want to see a harvested bear penis. By the way, there are actual animals that have boners! Apparently the walrus has the largest penis boner. But that is beside the point. Since it’s my birthday I wanted to see how many times I could say Penis in a post. I look to my role model, The Bloggess, I know she would approve. So either birthday wishes or penis wishes please leave a message.

Penis!

World Travel: India part 2

Orcha was a underspoken place and really just a rest in a busy tour. We really got to enjoy some of the wonderful ideas of roads and traffic.

The palace here was amazing also. The architect was amazing. So much detail and work went into the buildings. They even had a type of air conditioning. It was all so grand. We then took a overnight train toward Varanasi. There was an overnight camping stop on the Ganges River before we continued to Varanasi, the holiest Hindu city. It was overwhelming the amount of cars, mopeds, cows, and people. That and the heat made the experience!


From Varanasi we started west toward Nepal! It was a very long drive and we didn’t even go that far. Thank goodness I can sleep almost anywhere. The cross into Nepal was very interesting. We stopped about a kilometer from the border and had to walk to the border. The border is under that orange and green banner.