Mother went away for, like forever! We were left all alone with no one to take care of us. Well, sure, the “flat mate” was there but he only sleeps and leaves. So it was like we were all alone. I haven’t been pet or cuddled in a lifetime. I could have lost a life from loneliness. Now that mom is back I will never leave her side. I will make sure she pets me all day long. I will demand a brushing. If I am happy she might get some purrs.
Geeee all I want to do is nap, in my spot on the huge cat bed. (aka the couch). Instead of being able to sleep Mom keeps taking pictures of me. Then realigning and taking more. How am I supposed to enjoy my nap if I keep getting touched or hovered over. I will never get enough naps in this way. I might have to move to a different location. Sigh. My life is so rough.
I feel like we are inundated with ads that put these seeds into our minds that we need to buy, buy, buy. I was thinking about what we have such a weigh issue today. I realized that I am addicted to food. I think about food all the time. What to cook, what to buy, what to eat. I realize that we all have these triggers from TV, radio, or the internet. So acknowledge your weak spot and fight against society not wanting to really help.
For my whole life I have felt like I was hollow. Like a chalk drawing on the floor. Nothing but an outline in this world. As time has moved toward my adulthood, I have begun to fill my chalk line in. I have filled it with things I like and things that are, “So me!” However, I still feel that hollowness.
I was going to write a completely different post. I had kept a diary of my last week long adventure with my family. I was going to show you what happened day by day. That seems a bit tedious and over excessive. So instead I thought I would share how I felt while I was with my Mom, sister, and brother. It was the first time we have been all together in a couple years. Of course, the largest dark cloud is that my father isn’t around to be here. I know that the loss of him is more then losing a parent. It is the loss of why we stay together as a family. My walk away feeling after being with them for a week was numbness. A numbness that I had to bring on because the actual feelings would be too heartbreaking and crushing.
For starters, my mother is quiet mad. I have always thought so, even from my earliest days. It wasn’t a good, fun type of mad either. This is getting chastised for the same action she did a hour before. Or having her always claim the victim when something doesn’t go as planned. She is the one that, in current years, I felt that I had to raise. She acts like a teenager. (Which isn’t fair to the productive and promising young people.) However, she does throw fits and tantrums.
My brother, on the other hand, treats me like the scum on his shoe. He refused to look at me and any question I posed was answered by a shrug. I realized that he is the youngest and has had the most influence from being raised by our mother. Instead of just being a moody young man he is mean and piercing. I knew, this week, if I were to drop out of his life permanently he would feel no loss. I can not tell you how that makes me feel except to liken it to the loss of my father. I feel like someone has died. However, with my father I have time to adjust; with my brother I feel the raw, painful loss each time I see him.
My sister, always the same. She is very much about her. If you realize that, then you see she is just a human moving through space. She doesn’t go out of her way to be cruel or throw fits if she doesn’t get her way. She is just her.
All in all my trip ripped me apart. My soul is so torn. Do I leave these people behind? These people that if we were not bound by blood I would have no contact with. Or do I bare this burden for the honor of my father? How easy it would be to walk away. Is this pain the meaning of family?
I have been traveling this week. I have a bunch of catching up and posts for y’all. Its coming. Until then think about making those decisions you have been putting aside. Stop waiting and just do it!
The Merchant of Death by D.J. Machale I feel like I might have read this story before. Or perhaps I started it and got interrupted at some point. Its about a young boy that gets transported off to the other end of the universe. Fun and entertaining story. Perfect as an easy read.
Anonymous Rex by Eric Garcia This is a story I picked up in a library somewhere and the premise always stuck with me. I was able to find it again not too long ago and have really been enjoying the story. Its about a Dinosaur who is a Private Investigator down on his luck. Thing is, us humans don’t know that dinosaurs are still around because they were human disguises. Fun story with a new idea.
Six of Crow by Leigh B. Ardugo I am really enjoying this book. It is about making your way in the slums. There is magic and suspense. Now a team of young hoodlums need to kidnap a scientist that has designed a drug that affects the magic users. Can they do it? We will just have to see.
Caves of Steel by Isaac Asimov One of the greatest SciFi writers of all time bring another story to the masses. Here the world has decided to build into the ground instead of up. Those there is a population of Spacers, people who colonize space, most people live in steel and concrete bunkers never seeing the sun. There is a murder and now the Spacers and the Grounders have to work together. This isn’t any ordinary Spacer, it is a Robot. Will they solve the murder or will their difference be too great?
I noticed a tree at the end of my road is starting to change its leaves. As much as I want colder weather I am not sure if I am ready. Can we have a long Autumn? Today it is very pleasant. I am enjoying the rolling clouds and cool breeze. Really that is the most important thing. To find a good thing every day. Just one little thing, that we can appreciate.
The trees are changing. The weather is cooling. Winter is coming. It is time to prepare. If we start now then when winter comes you will be all set. It will be a bit easier to start now then to wait to the last minute. If you need to buy supplies it will be better to spread money over a few months then all at once or last minute. Being prepared for change of seasons can bring a bit of peace to a hectic time.