I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. I am sure its the holiday season. I have been on my own for a long time now. I have seen a lot and been to many, many places. And still I find myself wondering if I am doing it right. Should I have settled and done the family route? Should I feel like I am missing out?
While it would be great to have a companion to share my adventures in I don’t feel any great wrongness in being alone. Often I think if all the headache and heartache that comes from the stress of cohabitation. Is my feeling of loneness worth living with the drama.
At this time I am content. And I think that is what’s important. As long as I can survive there is no great need of change. Though if an opportunity presented itself I wouldn’t shy away.
Have you ever been asked, “Why are you alone?” It is almost an accusation. As though it is an illness to be single. My knee-jerk response is, Why is it your business. Depending on how quick my filter is that retort is normally blocked. However, in retrospect the original question really leads us to think about where society is. Since when is it a taboo to be single? Why do we automatically think that there is something wrong with that person? With divorce rates reaching 50% perhaps it would be better if more people were single. Or at least not under the pressure to be in a relationship.
I know many people who are truly and fully happy together. I also know many people who are together because that is all they know. Being in a relationship isn’t a box to check. It is a partnership with someone who you want to share your time with. If that partnership dissolves it isn’t any horrible thing. It happens. The enviroment and our experiences changes us. Sometimes we come together and sometimes we go seperate directions.
It is ok to be alone. It is sometimes the best thing for ourselves. We are able to focus on making ourselves stronger, better, healthier. It is ok! For those who are alone don’t worry it won’t last forever. (Even though it might feel that way.) For those who would rather be alone but aren’t; you are strong enough to be single. It is ok to end something that just isn’t working anymore. There should be no guilt either way. Do what is healthy for you. In the end only you know really whats best.
I was just away for a weekend to my moms’ to help do chores around the farm. It was a very productive trip but we always butt heads if we are together more then three days. I was there three and a half. Today I packed again for another trip. Yes, I pack way ahead of time. This way I can add and subtract as needed. Anyways, I got wicked cheap tickets for Dublin for a long weekend and couldn’t say no. There is a lot going on right now. Stress is really high. However, to take a moment to myself is much needed. I plan to take full advantage of it.
I had a moment over the weekend. I was cooking, listening to music, and having a great time of it. I was thoroughly enjoying myself! I turned around and my kitty was on the couch watching me. I asked her is she was happy and wanted some nip.
Then a thought hit me… Should I be lonely? Should I need someone here? I tried to picture someone sitting on the couch waiting while I made dinner. Or sitting at the bar, with idle chatter. And try as I might I couldn’t bring myself to feel like I was missing out. I felt happy in my moment. Not missing some relationship. I do miss my friends and it would be nice to have company. But I don’t need it. That is the most important. I see so many couples need that 24/7 attention and the claustrophobia kicks in. There is a old saying I heard and can’t remember where; you must first learn to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I have learned that I can be happy on my own. It makes me fulfilled to know that I am able to survive no matter what!