The trouble with Mothers

This post has nothing to do with your mom.  So don’t get all bent out of shape.  This post is about my mother. She is here visiting.  She drove 30 hours straight to get here, as if we were long lost friends.  We are not.  And only these visits remind me of that.  Only when she is here do I fully remember why we live so far apart.

The planning for this trip was some months in the making.  We spoke of all the fun things we were going to do. We were going to do mother daughter things like all the movies we had ever watched. 

On day one we lounged all day. Well she did drive 30 hours straight with two very large dogs. I had spent the previous day cleaning.  So it was nice just to nap and watch TV.  Then after, I worked a day shifts and came home tired and hot. Its probably the hottest weekend while she is here and me without any AC. That first day she cooked.  We sat and had a nice meal and then afterwards I did dishes and she dozed and played on her device.  Not much was said. I couldn’t tell if I had done anything. So I went to bed. This seemed to be the going rate over the weekend. Me working and mom quiet.  There were a couple times when I asked where something was or why something was left out and mother always played the victim. “Oh I’ve messed up again.” “The dog house for me.” I wasn’t accusatory just asking for information. There are other traits I see in her that I’ve spent years purging out of me.  The no communication and lack of decision making for starters; the nabbing, biting comments too.   I have been trying hard to be nonreactive to her words and actions but its not easy.  I luckily haven’t had the time to dwell too much on things.  We have had some fun.  My town put on a mini festive for kind of end of season sales at the businesses downtown.  We walked through that. It was my roomie’s anniversary and I take her out since her hubby can’t make it. I even took her kayaking.  I had planned a surprise sunrise horse back ride for us.  So its not like I’m leaving her behind.  I do try to play the good daughter. However, its not a good fit for us. I wish there was someway that it could be fixed. Somehow I could change my feelings and make our relationship more compatible. My new goal is now to just have a mother (in law) suite and she can do her thing and we can meet up. That would probably be the best for us.

Roomie and I drove down with her to the next big city and sent her off well. Good food and drinks. What more can a person want? Plus we got to go shopping. HEHE.

 

Long weekend

I have been meaning to write all weekend and then things go sideways. Thing never go as I planned. Especially when my mom is involved. I keep thinking that things will change with her. But, alas it never does. I always set myself up for failure. I need to just understand that things won’t ever get better.

It goes without saying that the weekend wasn’t as good as it could have been. There was good things though. I got to see Shamu at Seaworld. Such wonderful creatures. The park was great and we saw walruses, penguins, and seals. I haven’t been to SeaWorld for years and it was great to see the sights. This is the last generation of Orca that SeaWorld will have and I was glad to see them before they leave. The penguins were in like 40*F snowy room. It was such a shock from 90*F outside. We also went to Epcot and walked around. It was interesting to see what they think are the highlights of the countries they have on display. Still way too hot.

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Seems like I should have been more productive over the week I was gone. I don’t know where the time went. I do know that we went to Lowes 4 times and Walmart 5 times. What black holes those places are. Now back at home I feel like it’s time to play catch-up. So much outdoor stuff to do and I leave again in 2 weeks for a work detail. However, on a good note, there is a work opportunity that should open up soon and get me out of Minnesota. I can’t wait! I have been here too long.

I will get caught up more with you all as I get some more free time. I have been thinking of where I want to travel to next. I am thinking of India and Nepal. Any suggestions or ideas?

Kindness of Strangers

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We have a new officer coming in. She will be up here before going to the Academy to learn all the things that we don’t do. Just kidding, we do some of what we are taught. She came from the East Coast to a place she has never been and without knowing anyone. A woman after my own heart. My roomie was given the task of helping her with the local info. So we decided to open our home to her, a stranger, and truly welcome her into the family.

When I started my career,  I never knew that I would see my coworkers as family. Not all of them but a good few. I know that if I needed help they would be there and they have. I would do the same. So it wasn’t much of dilemma to welcome our newest sister into my home and my life. We have been giving her a tour of our huge town of 4,000 people. I am sure that all the information is very overwhelming but probably very welcomed.

In return she has been cooking traditional food for us. She is Filipino. Chicken Adobo and Pun Sit. It is so wonderful to have another foodie around. Of course, her favorite food is pizza. I have been cooking too. I made Toscana Soup and Cream Potatoes and Ham. We have eaten out a couple of times not to much success. Small town problems. All in all I know its been a positive experience for all involved. I have learned about a new culture, which is always a fun thing. I also hope that we have made a good impression on her. Time will tell.

 

 

Sunday Consideration

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In an effort to bring more enlightenment and wonderment to our lives I will attempt to post something uplifting on Sundays. I will not make this a in-your-face, Bible-thumping debate but something all inclusive and encompassing. I will try to encompass all religions and creeds but I am fairly limited on my knowledge. We might both learn something new! I want us all to get together and find something bright and peaceful in our chaotic world. I expect you to add your insight and suggestions too!

Am I a God at hand, declares the LORD, and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the LORD. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the LORD.”         Jeremiah 23:23–24

I was wondering on this verse the other day; about the 1) vastness of God, and 2) whether I wanted him everywhere. To speak on the latter I should explain that I am a loner. I have always enjoyed my own company better. I prefer my own quiet. I would pick being home alone over going out on the town, unless its to a hockey game then I am in. I do well alone. I am able to settle and not worry about the effects and affects of everyone around me. I pay too much attention to things out of my control. Also, as a child in my father’s house, my punishment was to be sent to my room; my personal retreat. Sorry, Dad. It was no punishment to be sent to my room. I also got into the habit of “oh I’ve done something wrong I should hide.” So when I do something wrong do I want God in my hiding place? The good answer is “Of Course!” but it isn’t a true answer. This is something I need to change in me. Accepting my God in my place; always.

As for the vastness of God…well that is a grand thought too. I was listening to a random video on my Facebook Feed. It was a 1970ish era Christian Debate. How Facebook knew I would be interested in that or that I would even watch it is beyond me but I am glad I took the moment to watch it. I honestly don’t remember much, except the speaker responding to a question said, God is (not might be) so beyond our understand as to be extra-dimensional. Now that is a fantastic idea, border-lining on being absurd. Science and Mathematics is able to prove the existence of  multiple dimensions. So really, that is plausible. Right?

Just a thought anyways. Something to ponder and bring us closer together. To open our minds to something greater. And just think if He is “a God at hand; and fills the Heaven and Earth” what that really could mean.

Dear Jane,

Goodbye to my  lovely Wife. But first let me explain…

tree.jpgI met my wife in Washington. I had moved there in October of 2009. Finding employment has never been a problem and I quickly found a job working seasonal at a retail store in the mall. She was there. To see her, your eyes would generally overlook her. Not that she is unattractive or unappealing but she portrays a humble and demure person. Of course, when you get to know her, you will find she has a huge personality; full of life and adventure.

flower child.jpgShe, lets call her Jane, welcomed me as a long lost friend. Showing me the ropes we quickly became friends. Her love of life was addictive and overwhelming. I was immediately smitten. Over time my world no longer revolved around me but the sun and stars rose for her. In all reality she grounded me. Jane brought me to earth, gave my life meaning. We often called each other my wife. All our friends just accepted us the way we were. Rarely we were apart and we became so close that the spoken word was unnecessary. She showed me kindness and taught me how to be kind. The anger I had harbored for so long faded away. I calmed and lost all the hurt I had been holding in so long. I was a new person; broken and rebuilt.

Years prior, I had been engaged. Straight out of high school I was, or thought I was, in love with a young, soon-to-be Marine. He was strong and motivated. He could not wait to be shipped off and out. However, I slowly began to realize that I was not a partner but a piece in his life. I was just an object to be placed where he wanted. When I fought the orders and made him see me as a person, the abuse started. I didn’t have the courage to leave at first. Its so profound a thing to but immobile with fear and pain.  The day he signed his enlistment papers I knew I could not be the object he wanted or needed. I left and he shipped out. The pain and torment I went through and put myself through left me an angry shell.

I should explain. I am straight. I have no prejudice against anyone or their orientation. Everyone should love the one who truly loves them back. While Jane and I did not have a sexual relationship, we never the less, were in love. A type of love I have never felt for any of my boyfriends or potential marriage partner. It is amazing that moment were you realize you no longer live for yourself but are alive because of another.  I have come to understand that a lot of the heartache and the anger that come with it are because of relationships that are not complete. I have learned, I hope, that to love someone is beyond gender, color, or creed.

In fall of 2010 I was offered a job in Law Enforcement which I accepted. Jane and I were very excited. She wanted the best for me and knew I would excel in a challenging position. We talked about her moving with me. My job would pay my rent for the 1st year until I was no longer a trainee. I said she could come with me and go to college or do whatever she wished. Things progressed that way until about two months before I was to go to basic academy. She said she found a man that was very kind and satisfied her.boy and dad

I was very happy for her and it was decided she would say in Washington until after basic was over. Things progressed with the gentleman and after about 10 months with him she became pregnant. We were overjoyed to have a child in our lives but, of course, trouble began. Her gentleman was far from gentle. He was concerned over our relationship. His motivation was next to zero and his desire to provide for a child or Jane wasn’t a concern. I felt he was intimidated by a woman that could provide better then he could.  He started whispering how much I was a bad influence and wanted to take her away from him.  Now both Jane and I had men who were aware of our close relationship. It had never been an issue in the past but this man choose to make it an issue.

There was nothing I could do from afar and months later when I returned I was not a welcome sight. The child was not allowed around me. I fought against him for a while but I saw how much it hurt Jane to see us at odds. So I stepped back. I watched from afar as my soul was slowly drained from my body. I missed the sapphire blue eyes that used to sparkle with mischief. The conversations we used to have that often lasted late into the night were now short and of general subjects . I knew she was torn and I could not stand to see her so troubled. I asked her once, only once if she would want to come with me to my new duty station. Jane looked at me and smiled, a calm smile and said, “I have no love for him but he is good to the baby and I will not take the child away.” While more was discussed that was the end. She chose the welfare of others who would do her no favors over her own happiness. She knew that I could and would manage. She made a choice that was millennium beyond her wisdom.

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I love you, my dearest Wife. Goodbye.

To Grandmother’s house…

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My Grandparent’s trip to Europe in 1980

 

So I have made it home. About 12 hours ago and now I am at work. Oh yay! My trip to my grandparents was wonderful. I should not have waited so long to see them. My grandmother’s birthday is on Mother’s Day. She will be 90. Grandpa is 94. And they are both very capable people. They still manage doing everything on their own. No major medical issues. If I didn’t know better I would say they are much younger. My Grandpa even drives and not too scary at that!

 I arrived Thursday evening. They were so happy to pick me up at the tiny little airport of their retirement community. I was happy to be in some warmer weather since we can’t get out of the 40s in the Northern Wilderness. They had to take me to a restaurant that they swore I’ve never been to even though it is the same one they take me to every time I visit. The food sucks in my opinion but my grandfather gets a kick out of the lewd pictures on the wall. He enjoys pointing them out. Sigh men are always men no matter how old. I’ve been to their cozy home before and settled in just fine. They were so excited that I was there.

 The next morning was spent lounging and relaxing (for me at least). Breakfast was served promptly when I got up; cereal, toast, and O.J.. I read and enjoyed the warm, dry air. They watched Matlock and their soap. The typical stuff you watch when you are sick on a week day. LOL. Lunch was very simple. One piece of bread and one piece of sandwich meat. I may have splurged and had two pieces of meat. After I got a tour of the town. They showed me all the sights they normally show me. Then they took me to the casino to see if I could get any free play as a new member. I won $5 but played it. We stopped at the grocery store where I found out my grandpa likes asparagus. I bought some so that we could have it with dinner. Then I paid for groceries, a splurge at $15, while they fussed at me.

 Dinner was roast with a half dozen type of veggies. Grandpa like the way I made the asparagus and ate 3 servings! And this is how my weekend went, being doted on and fussed at. We went and saw Jungle Book. Got to say it was awesome! It’s amazing for me to think that they were both born in the ‘20s. The life they have lead is amazing. They have traveled a bit. They raised three children. They have grandchildren and great grandchildren. It just beyond comprehension. I talked with them about their parents who were born in the late 1800s. Amazing we can cross that century mark in just a few generation.

 I will have to go back soon. I know they probably only have about 5 more years with us. It is going to be very sad but I treasure every moment with them. I am so proud my grandparents actually text me. Well before I really bore you I will sigh off. I will post another part of my story soon.