So I might have peeled out of the parking lot and slid sideways into Walmart’s lot but I made it in one piece. I went through the clothes section in record time finding what I could make work. The person that should have been at the fitting rooms decide that now would be a great time to be missing. I might have limbo-ed under the door and changed into my new clothes. I then walked to the register and give her the tags. I didn’t even get an odd look. Guess its not that uncommon for people to wear purchases out of the store. I made it back to my brother’s school in 15 minutes. Record time! We then sat through the most droll speeches about how great the school is doing and how wonderful the students are. I could have taken a nap. I probably needed one. We finally made it to the diploma presentation time. I was able to make it onto the stage and present it to my brother with out tripping, fainting, or crying. I think that is a great accomplishment if you ask me. There was much fanfare and hand shaking and we were done. It went by in a huge rush. Mom and I returned to the hotel while my brother finished his day. His girlfriend decided that we were not invited to dinner because, “its the last time I’ll see him in…I don’t know.” Peeved and tired, mom and I went to dinner on our own. The following few days followed in about the same way. We went to local sites and did the touristy stuff. My brother still the egotistical person he always have been. It was very disheartening to feel I put all this effort into being here and there was no appreciation shown. Oh well. Family right?! I am very glad to have made the trip. It brought back memories from my time at the same academy. I look forward to seeing how my brother progresses from here. I know it wont be easy. My mom drove back to Georgia in 30 hours. I hate when she does these straight through drives. She made it safe and sound. I flew back and made it just in time for 8 inches of snow. However, today is bright, sunny, and looking warm. It is not warm by any means though. Back to the grind stone, I guess.
Its been a very stressful week. In the midst of it all I am trying to stay positive and focused. It’s not easy. We all must work to “be in the storm but not affected by it.” I heard this phrase in a speech give by a police chief. While his statement was nearly lost in the longevity of his presentation it is, none the less, wise words.
I was having a hard time coming up with something encouraging to write today. It wasn’t that I was discouraged. Just not very inspired. I went housing hunting this weekend and was extremely disappointed in what was offered. I wanted to go home and wallow in this frustration. When you see yourself going that direction make sure you bring yourself back up. I allowed a moment of pity and then told myself to start looking for other options. Its ok to get knocked down but it is most important to get back up!
I had a moment over the weekend. I was cooking, listening to music, and having a great time of it. I was thoroughly enjoying myself! I turned around and my kitty was on the couch watching me. I asked her is she was happy and wanted some nip.
Then a thought hit me… Should I be lonely? Should I need someone here? I tried to picture someone sitting on the couch waiting while I made dinner. Or sitting at the bar, with idle chatter. And try as I might I couldn’t bring myself to feel like I was missing out. I felt happy in my moment. Not missing some relationship. I do miss my friends and it would be nice to have company. But I don’t need it. That is the most important. I see so many couples need that 24/7 attention and the claustrophobia kicks in. There is a old saying I heard and can’t remember where; you must first learn to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I have learned that I can be happy on my own. It makes me fulfilled to know that I am able to survive no matter what!
It has been about two weeks since my move to Maine. The road trip went well enough. The move-in was alright. The house has some really narrow stairs. I have a huge mess in the trailer I really should organize it. In the back of my mind, it’s annoying me. I am starting to get my barrings at work. There are some interesting polices that will take a bit to get used to.
I was very hopeful in finding a place that I could purchase. Then I would have my own place to leave my stuff. Yes, we all want a place to store our stuff while we go and get more stuff. The few places I looked at were just not going to work. I had a moment of frustration and a knee-jerk reaction to bail on everything. To wallow in self pity and go down a dark path. Well, that lasted a day and then I pulled up my big girl pants.
So, I am going to go house hunting and see if there is anything worth making into my home. I am going to get settled into work. Hopefully, I can get word about when I will be heading overseas for a temporary posting. Certainly, makes it easier to plan if I know where things are going to fall. I am going to go to my brother’s graduation. And be a proud big sister.
Next year is gonna kick ass!
Keep an open mind. It is hard to do no matter how strong you are. You plan and plan for things to work out and when things are slow to bloom it is easy to get frustrated or discouraged. So keep an open mind and stay strong!
Well even with the rough start we were moving ahead. The next day took us farther East. The roads through New York and Mass were fairly nice. Though, with $180 in tolls they could be better. The countryside was quite lovely and some of the trees had held on to their leaves. Many reds and oranges. Traffic flowed well and I could set my cruise control for hours. That evening we worked our way across the Appalachian mountains. They aren’t overly high but it was a bit of a chore to get through.
We were going to stop in Albany for the night but pushed out another 100 miles to Springfield. The sun went down early and there was a light freezing rain as we crossed another mountain pass. I was very stressed and tired from the driving but we made it fine to our hotel. Dinner was at a Mexican place next door. The food was really poor and I lost my debt card there. Sigh. I keep telling myself one more day!! The morning was bright and sunny, if a bit chilly. We worked our way toward, but around, Boston and North to “All Maine Points.” There was no breakfast at our hotel so we were going to stop for food when I gassed up. However that wayside had no open shops besides McDonald’s and they were cash only. Annoyed we pushed on. The miles were quickly falling away and we arrived in Houlton at about 3pm.
Now this weekend was my Landlords birthday so his daughters had left to go see him. So the keys were passed to one of the husbands. This particular gentleman ones a beer and wine shop. Just what I needed after 4 days in the car. Keys and beer in hand we unloaded a few things and crashed. The next day I was able to find a cheap couch and we managed to make this a liveable place. I am excited for this new start. Hopefully I can get settled in well.