Pushing Through

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I have started writing about a half dozen posts and then deleted them because I feel that they are silly or stupid. I have been having a hard time feeling inspiring or inspired. I am forcing me to write this because I do have followers and I am letting y’all down. I am very annoyed at work today. Of course, that is probably I’ve only had 8 hours off between my two shifts. Plus I worked an extra 20 hours of overtime this week. So my attitude is poor and I should be sent home.

Beyond that I have been trying to be supportive of my mom. She is now an empty nester. (Way late if you ask me) My brother has taken a job with Border Patrol on the Southern border. He drove all the way there and my mom bawled. I feel for her, I really do. With dad gone what does she have. I told her to come see me but she still have some responsibilities at home. I hope now that with him gone she gets in gear about getting everything automated so she can travel more.   Beyond day one she seems to be ok. No big breakdowns or wallowing. So maybe things will be ok after all. In a few weeks she has to meet my sister in Vermont anyways. So there is that.

I will continue to post about my brothers adventures at the academy. I also have some travels coming up too that I will write about. So beyond being exhausted and annoyed things are moving forward. Hope the last of summer is going well for all of you as well. I would love to hear some stories!!

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Sunday Meditations

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So I have been getting a little stressed lately. Trying to plan my life in a very unpredictable world is hard. I may have signed up for some training that all happens in the same few weeks. And its spazing me out. Beyond a bit of OCD having all these things up in the air is really uncomfortable. I realized that I am not in my happy place. I have lost touch of the one thing that keeps me calm. Or more likely, less stressed. This balancing point is different for everyone. You should take stock of what it is for you and when the world gets to spinning you can find a way to be at peace.

 

Sunday Meditations

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Many people look at me sideways because I am so willing to test the unknown. I know that it is human nature to ridicule things that are strange or beyond our capabilities. However, we need to make an effort to combat this urge. I tell people it isn’t that I’m not afraid it is that I don’t let the fear stop me. I believe if more people thought that way great changes would happen in the world. People who were letting the fear keeping them from asking for a raise, moving away, standing up to a bully, etc. would be able to change their path into a more desired direction. Don’t live through other people live your own life to the fullest. Scared but not stopped.

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Three Words

The horrible events in Manchester leave me numb. I don’t have the words to express my hurt and anger. It is beyond comprehension to think someone would attack children. Its unthinkable. I know that the parents and friends will forever be looking for answers that will never be found. I don’t have any words of wisdom or help. I have nothing I can give other then my prayers and my shoulder. I am so much at a loss. The only thing that comes to mind is this quote from Robert Frost. I know they are not helpful but they are true.

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Sunday Meditations

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Be kind, for everyone you met is fighting a hard battle. – Plato

I love this quote. It reminds me that everyone is living their own separate lives, with unique experiences. What may set me off might be easy to another person. We are all individuals and react or act in conjuncture with our experiences. A person might see a flower and see a weed while another person sees the color, vibrant in its own way. It is something to always keep in mind when you meet a stranger and they are mean and rude. Do not retaliate but instead be kind. You don’t know if they just got fired or their partner left or just not having a good day. If we all can be kind perhaps someone will help you through a rough moment in your life. Be strong when someone is weak and you will, in turn, be strengthened. It is the kindest thing we can do.  

 

 

Am I crazy?

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I have been meaning to post other than my normal posts. Time keeps getting away from me. At home I have been reading… a lot and work has been moving fairly quickly. I have been thinking about a recent “boy encounter” I had not too long ago.

This gentleman and I went for a walk (he invited himself) in the moonlight. As soon as we were moving his arm was around me. I was ok with that but not overly thrilled. I just met this person and had no notions of being intimate. And I am not a fan of being touched by people that I’m not very close with. He also was kind of handsy. And his arm didn’t stay still. I felt close to being groped. As we continued on, the conversation was very uninspired. I could tell he wasn’t really paying attention. As we made it to a bend in the side walk and in between the street lamps he pulled me aside and kissed me.

I was completely surprised. It hadn’t crossed my mind that I would end up kissing this guy. It guess that goes to show how disconnected my thought process is. I have given up being promiscuous. That’s for college. Now somewhat older and a little wiser I am looking for more than just a roll in the hay. I want so much more than that. Well so this guy and I make out for a couple of minutes and then says to me, “So…whatcha gonna do for me?” Now I haven’t been out of the game that long that I don’t know what he is asking. The dumbfounded look on my face might show otherwise as he quickly reassures me that “I’ll get you back.” I am almost in such a state that I could not respond. But I do and say that I don’t sleep with guys I just met. He scoffs. Actually scoffs and says of course I do. All girls do. How he was still standing after that statement shows how much I have grown… in self-control. Instead of knocking his teeth in I said good night and walked away. A short time later I receive an text saying, “You are weird.”

Ok, I am weird cause I don’t want to jump in bed with a stranger. I am weird because I am not a child and sleep around. I am weird because I want to be in a relationship that is more than just screwing. I am happy with weird. This is why people get divorced. They spend their “happy time” in bed and when that slows down can’t stand the person they are with. If I am going to spend my life with someone most of it will be outside the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the romp as the next person but I want so much more. I want a partner, a companion, a friend, a lover, etc. Its the way a relationship really should be.

Morocco 2017: Part 3

Where does the time go?? Like, really! I have been home two weeks already. Haven’t done much in that time other than work. I was sick the last couple days but I think I have whipped it. Finally am mostly unpacked. Though I have to repack to a trip to my sisters the end of the month. 

So we left off where I was leaving the Gorge. Such lovely, peaceful country. We head back to the main highway and work our way west, toward the coast. Beautiful mountains surround the Road of 1000 Kasbahs. Our drive follows a low river.  You  see green surrounded all around by dry, craggy hills. At one place we stop at a Berber village. Here mud houses are build into the hillside with their goat and sheep herds high on the slopes. 20170414222835It was wonderful place to see this traditional village. A local even invited us in for tea. It was fantastic. You could really see how these people live and had lived for many, many years. We stop at only a few of the 1000 Kasbahs and marvel at the architecture. There are little bit of history in each of them. Low doorways give you easy access to your enemies’ necks and high stairs keep the animals on the first floor. At Ait Benhaddou, we learn that they started putting the granary at the top of the hillside fortified city (as you can see in the picture). This was to keep the crops safe from bandits. Ait Benhaddou is also known for the many movies that were filmed there such as Gladiator and Lawrence of Arabia. Many of the Middle Eastern movies have scenes from this area in Morocco. We continue to Marrakesh, the heart of Southern Morocco. We cross the 3rd highest mountain top in Africa. There was still snow on its slopes. In the lower levels of the mountain you see herds grazing and crops growing. Even here in the middle of nowhere people are making a livelihood. The colors are amazing.

Marrakesh is a huge city that all of a sudden pops up. We drove, for what felt like forever, then here we are! It is busy; lots of cars, horse, mules, bikes, and scooters. All moving in some coordinated rhythm that I can’t see. Our driver drops us off for the last time and we make the short walk to our Riad. A riad is like a mansion that has been turned into a hotel. The front door is flush with the alleyway and we have a bell boy who greats us at the door. We are shown to our room, which opens to an open-air square. The details and design are overwhelming as always. IMAG1281We take a guided walk through the medina and if we didn’t have this guide I know we all would be lost.  There are venders everywhere and people pushing and vying for the best view. It is a little overwhelming but the excitement of it all makes it fun. We eat in the square that night. People trying to convince you to eat at their restaurant is a little foreign from the way it is in the states. The food, as always, is fantastic. The next two days we are left on our own. I, of course, spend this time shopping and wondering around the area.   20170417155501The day before I leave, though, I wanted to spend in Essaouria. This is the coastal town about three hours west of Marrakesh. One of my fellow travel companions join me and we begin the trip that morning. Our driver was a little crazy. He was older and just not completely there. I was worried that my fellow companion, a tiny women, was going to kick him out of the vehicle and take over. However, in due time, we made it there. Essaouria is a lovely coastal town with the normal, slower, Island Time. Everything works a little slower on the coast–any coast. We walk through their medina and then out to the pier. There are battlements with canons around the docks and we are able to walk around the top of the walls. We, well she, eat seafood that I am sure was fresh caught that day. Then we stroll along the beach and put our toes in the ocean and wander until we need to meet our driver.  A great way to end a most wonderful trip.

The next morning the lovely bell boy, who I do not think sleeps, helps me to meet my driver for the airport. My flights are easy and on time. I make it into Amsterdam ready to explore but, of course, this is where my good luck starts to fail.  I get off the plane to clear customs and people are pushing and touching and way up in my bubble. It makes me anxious. If you move that extra 3 inches (into my space) you will not get through customs quicker. I make it through and then inquire with an airline agent if I can check my bag now (16 hours early) and they say I should be able to. Well, Amsterdam has a wonderful automated bag checking system. Wonderful if you are not over weight or checking in early. It took me 45 mins to find out that I couldn’t check my bag that early. So, frustrated, I go to look for my hotel ride only to not find one. So I take a taxi, the most expensive taxi ever, to my hotel. There I am told they don’t have an airport shuttle. I showed him the website that said the hotel did. “I’m Sorry,” was my reward. After I got into my room I take a moment to recollect myself then go hunt for food. Here too, there were people trying to get you to eat at their restaurant and I was to negotiate a pasta dinner with a beer. Yummy. I wander around some more and find the bus stop for my morning ride to the airport. Much more relaxed and rested I take my last flight home. It was so nice to see my kitties and sleep in my bed but I would go back in a heartbeat. Morocco was, and is, worth seeing. These people, shunned because of the world’s conflict right now, are the most kind and welcoming people you will meet. I had many offers to come back and visit their homes and be personally guided through their world. It is something I will miss. Their hospitality, I will try to copy in my own life. And one day make my way back to Morocco.