Breathe in and out

 

Have you ever had that feeling of impending doom? I don’t know why exactly I am having that feeling but it is not fun. Like the stress you get watching a long tailed cat in a room full of mouse traps. It almost more than you can bare. I know I was very stressed over a work issue that was taken care of. It worked out to look like I was given everything I asked for. I can only imagine someone on the outside looking in would think. I have heard the rumors of some of the complaints that have come up behind my back. Maybe this feeling is from the image that is being portrayed of the whole situation. Don’t you love when people have no clue puts their two cents in?

 Perhaps the feeling is anxiety for my trip next week. I always get a little nervous flying. It’s not the actual flying that bothers me but the ticket counter and getting through security. A guilty conscience from an innocent person. I know that everything will work out fine, travel wise. It is a trip with my mom which I swore last time I would never travel with her again and here we are traveling together. She becomes an invalid in the decision making process and it frustrates me to no end. I will not be making all the decisions. I shouldn’t have to. If she gets silly again I will leave her butt at the hotel room and go find a nightclub and dance the night away.

I have training at work today. It is a role-play of a scenario that couldn’t even happen. I have been dreading this training for weeks. I totally don’t want to do it. I always hate these role plays. It is good training. I am not a fan of our instructor. He has an enormous ego for his short stature. I have never enjoyed these trainings in my 6 years with my department. It may stem from a deep seeded shame I have. Just general shame. I’m not ashamed of my job or anything. I am starting to sound like a nut case. Maybe I should get counseling.

 They promised a sunny day today but instead we have stayed overcast for the last week. Maybe that’s playing into my moods. Who knows.  Kinda feel like this picture here. Got to have patience.

 

Umm Wha?

The picture is just for attention or maybe just thought provoking. It is a picture of Saint Agatha of Sicily. She is the Saint of breast cancer. Which leads me to wonder if they knew about cancer way back when. And if they did know how did they figure that out? I am really curious now. So much for an useless post. LOL. Really it looks like a horrible painting of purple nerple. OK so in my defense it is 5 am and I have been at work all night.

I have been struggling the last couple days to get motivated. I have slept more in the last three days then I have in the last three weeks. I knew I was going to get that Zika while I was in Georgia. I have to admit they ate me alive while I was there. It was too hot to wear a lot of clothes so I have some bites in very tender places. Like the back of my knees you perverts. Maybe I have malaria. I could get on WebMD and probably diagnose myself with cancer… and that brings us full circle to Saint Agatha.

Today is my last overnight shift. Hopefully I can get back into gear. I find that with a messed up sleep schedule really messes up my life. And when I am on a different sleep schedule then my roommate I end up sleeping with three feline bedmates. I don’t know if you have ever slept with an animal in your bed but they take up so much damn room that it is ridiculous. I wake up pinned to my bed because they have each plotted out a corner for themselves. Craziness.

Well I am going to go drink a redbull and get ready for the am. Gotta go shopping after work and make dinner today!

Home Again! Jiggity Jig

I know I haven’t written in a while. As you know, I was at my mom’s house for a long weekend. I have to say my worries were not as much of an issue as I thought. We only butted heads some of the time. Part of the issue is my mom is as stubborn as I am… or vice versa. The first complaint I have is my mom has Hugesnet for internet. OMG I thought my internet was slow but her internet is ridiculous. Multiple calls to her service provider later we decided it was all my brother’s fault.

Speaking of my brother, what a weasel he turned out to be. He is so good at manipulating my mom. Pisses me off but there isn’t much I can do. She lets him and he doesn’t care. Most of his bills are paid for and he can just lay around all day and mom doesn’t say anything. He recently got hurt and spent the entire weekend with an unneeded cane and snuggling with his girlfriend. His girlfriend, only his second, is very nice. She wears some outrageous make up to hide a large nasal bridge. I think she looks fine but we are always our own worst enemies when it comes to vanity. My mom and I speak of her as the “Unicorn” in complete love and play. God bless anyone who can put up with my brother.

Other than internet issues, wanting to poke my brother, and the 95% humidity the weekend went by fast. My mom had a honey do list for me and I was very willing to assist. I have found that the Georgia Time has creeped up on my family. That is nothing ever gets done. Kind of like Island Time but in Georgia. I would get up around 8 am, and only so late cause I would go to bed around 2am, and nothing would get started until 11am. For a person who works for a living, that really frustrated me. Of all the things on my “to do list” only 1.5 things got done. I did get my drink on though. Bought some craft beer for us to try. Got to say my mom doesn’t hold her beer very well but she is fun while she is trying.

Mom and I watched football out on the island and got a little toasted. I think I made a poor black man blush. And if you don’t know that is very hard to do. We got to play on the beach and watch the Broncos beat the Colts to the ground. I also found out that my mom drunk text too. My roommate was very impressed stating that she writes better drunk then sober.

It is hard for me to see the farm melt away. That is exactly what it is doing—melting. We replaced boards on my mom’s chicken coop doorway. I would say 85% of the boards had rotted away and the bugs had the other 15%. Not only that the horse fences are coming down. It will take a few years of dedicated work to get everything back in order. Makes me sad. Also makes me grateful that I live in an area that is only a max 60% humidity.

So while little was accomplished it was great to visit home. I see my mom in another 12 days or so for our big trip to see the Big Jesus. Maybe she will actually pose next time.

Another Day Down!

Fighting a migraine and troubled stomach this week has made me very lazy. I get to work and my eyes and head just throb. I am convinced that I am slowly being poisoned by pulp mill next door. It pollutes the air and there is often time some kind of gunk on my vehicle. I have two more days of work before I head down to the deep south to visit my mom. I am very apprehensive. It is going to be a very quick and busy trip. My sister wanted an air mattress I had so I packed that in my suitcase and that was all that will fit. I then found my largest backpack and am trying to get everything I need into it. Needless to say, I will not be taking a lot for myself. On the way home I am grabbing another suitcase from my mom and bringing it home. Since I believe it will be cheaper to pay the $25 check bag fee then purchasing a brand new suitcase. We shall see.

 I have packed some recipes to make while I am with my mom. I also am bringing her a new computer so that should keep us busy for some time. Hopefully we can keep busy and not get on each other’s nerves. I looked at the weather and it looks like rain most of the time. Perfect timing for a tropical storm. Oh well. I have asked to see if my sister will be able to visit but she said that she wouldn’t be able to. Oh well.

Work has been a nightmare and I have been frantic and stressed trying to correct a nightmare I made. Hopefully everything works out to the benefit of everyone involved. I am very tired of the hurry up and wait. It is probably the main reason my stomach is acting the way it is. My stomach tends to shut down and focus on worrying the problem. I can’t wait to get out of here for a few days. I feel like I am in a holding pattern. Let us hope that it is only a physical thing and not a premonition on what my flight will be.

Daily Prompt: Recharge

I have been struggling lately with my demons. Trying to practice to have patience and not spiral out of control. Along with waiting and fussing come hate. Or at least it does for me. I want to hate people; to take my anger and hurt out on others. This is not who I am or who I want to be. This is a person that is long since been put to rest. But as the saying goes, “Old habits die hard.” In my nightly conversations with myself through the sleepless night, I find it getting much easier to focus on the person I need to be. However, as today’s daily prompt suggests recharging helps. I had gone about 30 hours will little or no sleep and had turned into a zombie. I was biting heads off left and right. Or I might have if I had any energy.

I have been working a lot of days in a row. I find that it tends to become a burden when you deal with the same drama day in and out. I have a trip to see my mom coming up in a few days. I am very much looking forward to seeing her and my siblings. It will be nice to hang out and be lazy for a few days. However, my mom is also a source of stress in my life. So I am a little tentative about how much relaxation and recharging I will get. Guess time will tell. I suppose the whole point of this post is to remind you to recharge. You have to take a break from what is draining you. Even if it’s only for an hour, day, or week. It is important to keeping the you, you like. Otherwise the demons or whatever beast you hold come to the forefront.

Take a moment to watch a music video of your favorite song, watch your favorite movie with a glass of wine or even get away for the night and do something fun. Take a moment way to yourself and recharge. You could even start writing a story or *gasp* a blog. And in case you can’t get away here is a picture of a cute little puppy for you. 🙂 And he wants you to relax.

More Beautiful Words

Patience is a virtue

I find that the purpose to write my blog is to share a story or a life lesson that may help you, dear reader. Those moments do not come extremely often or perhaps I am not aware of them. I hope I don’t miss many of the universe’s messages; important or benign. Today’s lesson is loud and clear. I have been working for many years on my patience or better called; long suffering. That Biblical term is the best definition. Long suffering. True patience is just that. Suffering for however long it takes.

A message came to me that contradicts what I previously was told and promised. I will be able to confirm the information in a few weeks. However, I will suffer these next few weeks. I am trying to wait. I have spent the morning in a tizzy; a frustrated tantrum. Hurt that I was not told– perhaps not told correctly. Frustrated how it will affect and effect my plans. Trying to come up with plans to make all parties happy. Worrying how my actions will affect my life or how they will affect other people.

If you can take the time to wait then better things will happen. Even if no one sees those things. You will grow and be more calm. You will be stronger for it. Instead of bombing the opposing party you will learn their motives and understand their actions. You wisdom will grow and your life will find peace. I say this in the middle of a personal crisis. I am here to support you. I only ask for good feelings and happy vibes sent my way. I will, of course, do the same. I wish for you to have all a good attitude while you suffer long-ly.

As you know, I recently went to Thailand. I took pictures of the temples I visited. Including some from the 1st kingdom of Siam. Imagine, if you will, the time it took to carve some of these statues with limited tools. Their patience has stood the test of time.

 

 

 

 

 

Do not go Gentle

So after what seem like a very long wait my mother’s birthday has finally arrived. Last night I Skyped in and watch her open her presents. We, my sister, brother, and I, had gotten her a telescope. I had spent a lot of time researching it and figuring out what was best. No input or help came from my sibling but that’s fine. I was delighted to hear my mom’s squeals of excitement come through the speakers as I tried to watch. My sister, it would seem, doesn’t have very steady hands.

 It has been a difficult few years without my father. The lack of his presence is a huge void in our lives. I know I miss him every day and can only imagine the depth that my mom feels. Their anniversary is this month too and October is my dad’s birthday. I try to distract her the best I can but I know in the dark of night the pain creeps in. I hope she will be able to spend time viewing the stars and the heavens with a feeling of closeness to him. Perhaps a moment of peace. It is my hope at least. The other night I was watching a movie that quoted a Dylan Thomas poem or more correctly a villanelle.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

 

Daily Prompt: Shiver

I saw this list and thought I was perfect for today’s Daily Prompt. Regardless if the people given credit for quoting it really did, it gives great food for thought.  Happy September Y’all!