Sunday Meditation

Take the time to stop and smell the roses. I am in Washington DC for work. I walked by a fountain that was just awesome.  It was similar to water over very shallow rocks. And I stopped and made my day so much better. You might not be somewhere so nice like that but you can find beauty anywhere.  

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Sunday Meditations

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I caught a blip on the late night news last night. The speaker stated, something to the effect of, You have the freedom of speech but it does come with consequences. That quote stuck with me as being very true. We do have the right to speak about whatever we want. However, many people do not think about their words. In the last few years, words of hate have been spoken with abandon. Hate and fear are great motivators but have huge impact on the people they are directed towards. It is to us to stop speaking words as if they don’t have consequences. We need to lead the revolution to stop hate from spreading. There is never a reason to use words in hate and hurtful intent. Focus on what comes out of your mouth this week and see if you can change this downward spiral in our world.

Am I crazy?

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I have been meaning to post other than my normal posts. Time keeps getting away from me. At home I have been reading… a lot and work has been moving fairly quickly. I have been thinking about a recent “boy encounter” I had not too long ago.

This gentleman and I went for a walk (he invited himself) in the moonlight. As soon as we were moving his arm was around me. I was ok with that but not overly thrilled. I just met this person and had no notions of being intimate. And I am not a fan of being touched by people that I’m not very close with. He also was kind of handsy. And his arm didn’t stay still. I felt close to being groped. As we continued on, the conversation was very uninspired. I could tell he wasn’t really paying attention. As we made it to a bend in the side walk and in between the street lamps he pulled me aside and kissed me.

I was completely surprised. It hadn’t crossed my mind that I would end up kissing this guy. It guess that goes to show how disconnected my thought process is. I have given up being promiscuous. That’s for college. Now somewhat older and a little wiser I am looking for more than just a roll in the hay. I want so much more than that. Well so this guy and I make out for a couple of minutes and then says to me, “So…whatcha gonna do for me?” Now I haven’t been out of the game that long that I don’t know what he is asking. The dumbfounded look on my face might show otherwise as he quickly reassures me that “I’ll get you back.” I am almost in such a state that I could not respond. But I do and say that I don’t sleep with guys I just met. He scoffs. Actually scoffs and says of course I do. All girls do. How he was still standing after that statement shows how much I have grown… in self-control. Instead of knocking his teeth in I said good night and walked away. A short time later I receive an text saying, “You are weird.”

Ok, I am weird cause I don’t want to jump in bed with a stranger. I am weird because I am not a child and sleep around. I am weird because I want to be in a relationship that is more than just screwing. I am happy with weird. This is why people get divorced. They spend their “happy time” in bed and when that slows down can’t stand the person they are with. If I am going to spend my life with someone most of it will be outside the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the romp as the next person but I want so much more. I want a partner, a companion, a friend, a lover, etc. Its the way a relationship really should be.

Sunday Mediations

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Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

Sometimes I wonder at the truths found in the Bible. They make complete sense and yet, people still don’t see the wisdom. “Hatred stirs up dissension.” Dissension as defined by Webster is, disagreement that leads to discord. So hatred leads to disagreement that leads to discord. I think this could be because hatred can be so blinding. Blinding to the truth, to logic, to kindness. What could be more easy to understand?

Love covers all wrongs. If you can truly, unconditionally love someone then their actions, regardless how distressing, are washed away. Imagine, according to the Bible, that we are forgiven for killing God’s son. God’s love has completely washed away our wrongs. If we can attempt to follow this example how wonderful our world would be. I challenge you over the next week (any beyond) to choose love over hatred.

Sunday Meditations

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But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.  Galations 5:22-23

I have always noticed that I easily and naturally fall into the hospitality role. Regardless if I am hosting or just taking care of friends I excel behind the scenes. I believe we are given certain talents; these actions that come easily. Many people squander or ignore divinely given traits. I  imagine this could lead to discontentment in our lives. If we feel there is something missing or that we feel lost perhaps it is because we are not using our Fruit of the Spirit to the fullest. I can tell you longsuffering or temperance isn’t an easy trait to be endowed with but it is something that can make our lives complete.

If you ever wonder where you should be in life, search your heart and see what talent you are strongest. Use these talents to their fullest extent. Regardless of your beliefs you will grow as a person and perhaps find your place in the world. If you are weak in one area attempt to develop it so that you can live a more rounded, fuller life.

Dear Jane,

Goodbye to my  lovely Wife. But first let me explain…

tree.jpgI met my wife in Washington. I had moved there in October of 2009. Finding employment has never been a problem and I quickly found a job working seasonal at a retail store in the mall. She was there. To see her, your eyes would generally overlook her. Not that she is unattractive or unappealing but she portrays a humble and demure person. Of course, when you get to know her, you will find she has a huge personality; full of life and adventure.

flower child.jpgShe, lets call her Jane, welcomed me as a long lost friend. Showing me the ropes we quickly became friends. Her love of life was addictive and overwhelming. I was immediately smitten. Over time my world no longer revolved around me but the sun and stars rose for her. In all reality she grounded me. Jane brought me to earth, gave my life meaning. We often called each other my wife. All our friends just accepted us the way we were. Rarely we were apart and we became so close that the spoken word was unnecessary. She showed me kindness and taught me how to be kind. The anger I had harbored for so long faded away. I calmed and lost all the hurt I had been holding in so long. I was a new person; broken and rebuilt.

Years prior, I had been engaged. Straight out of high school I was, or thought I was, in love with a young, soon-to-be Marine. He was strong and motivated. He could not wait to be shipped off and out. However, I slowly began to realize that I was not a partner but a piece in his life. I was just an object to be placed where he wanted. When I fought the orders and made him see me as a person, the abuse started. I didn’t have the courage to leave at first. Its so profound a thing to but immobile with fear and pain.  The day he signed his enlistment papers I knew I could not be the object he wanted or needed. I left and he shipped out. The pain and torment I went through and put myself through left me an angry shell.

I should explain. I am straight. I have no prejudice against anyone or their orientation. Everyone should love the one who truly loves them back. While Jane and I did not have a sexual relationship, we never the less, were in love. A type of love I have never felt for any of my boyfriends or potential marriage partner. It is amazing that moment were you realize you no longer live for yourself but are alive because of another.  I have come to understand that a lot of the heartache and the anger that come with it are because of relationships that are not complete. I have learned, I hope, that to love someone is beyond gender, color, or creed.

In fall of 2010 I was offered a job in Law Enforcement which I accepted. Jane and I were very excited. She wanted the best for me and knew I would excel in a challenging position. We talked about her moving with me. My job would pay my rent for the 1st year until I was no longer a trainee. I said she could come with me and go to college or do whatever she wished. Things progressed that way until about two months before I was to go to basic academy. She said she found a man that was very kind and satisfied her.boy and dad

I was very happy for her and it was decided she would say in Washington until after basic was over. Things progressed with the gentleman and after about 10 months with him she became pregnant. We were overjoyed to have a child in our lives but, of course, trouble began. Her gentleman was far from gentle. He was concerned over our relationship. His motivation was next to zero and his desire to provide for a child or Jane wasn’t a concern. I felt he was intimidated by a woman that could provide better then he could.  He started whispering how much I was a bad influence and wanted to take her away from him.  Now both Jane and I had men who were aware of our close relationship. It had never been an issue in the past but this man choose to make it an issue.

There was nothing I could do from afar and months later when I returned I was not a welcome sight. The child was not allowed around me. I fought against him for a while but I saw how much it hurt Jane to see us at odds. So I stepped back. I watched from afar as my soul was slowly drained from my body. I missed the sapphire blue eyes that used to sparkle with mischief. The conversations we used to have that often lasted late into the night were now short and of general subjects . I knew she was torn and I could not stand to see her so troubled. I asked her once, only once if she would want to come with me to my new duty station. Jane looked at me and smiled, a calm smile and said, “I have no love for him but he is good to the baby and I will not take the child away.” While more was discussed that was the end. She chose the welfare of others who would do her no favors over her own happiness. She knew that I could and would manage. She made a choice that was millennium beyond her wisdom.

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I love you, my dearest Wife. Goodbye.